2016

Adoption Series 2014 – I Didn’t Feel Her Kick – Closed Adoption – From our Family

http://www.pinterest.com/pin/147844800243265474/

My youngest child didn’t grow inside my body.  I didn’t feel her kick, I didn’t feel the pain caused by child birth, I didn’t even see her umbilical cord be cut.  I did wait, I did worry, I did feel hopeless at times.

Another woman carried her, delivered her, then gave her to me (and my husband).  I have no idea what this woman felt before, during, or after.  I do know she valued our daughter’s life,  for the simple fact she chose adoption. 

Our adoption is closed.  Which means there is minimal information exchanged between birth parents and adoptive parents.  I don’t consume myself everyday with what lies ahead when my daughter begins to ask more questions. She knows she is adopted, she knows that she can come to us and ask questions freely.  

Right now the questions are few and far between.  The latest one being, “did my birth mother name me before you did?”  Although this could easily be a “No” answer, as a parent of an adopted child, or at least being me,  I took time to think before answering. 

She has a friend that is adopted but her situation was different than our daughters.  So, I know this question stemmed from a  conversation between them, even without her telling me. I made sure to say no, but I added how we were there when she was born and met her within 15 minutes of her birth.  I also included that although she wasn’t named by her birth mother and her friend was, that neither one was any more special.  I just felt I needed to give her a sense of security.  After that she was fine and went on her way.

I know it probably won’t always be that easy. What I do know is that she is part of our family just as much as our older two daughters are.  She will grow up and eventually think her Mom’s dancing and singing are embarrassing and that I can’t kiss her on the cheek in public or hang out with her when her friends are around.   So I will cherish the fact that just this week she told me I was her BFF, BFF, BFF… apparently that’s super BFF’s and gave me a hug.

Whatever the reasons are that our birthmother chose closed adoption does not matter to us.  What is more important is that she chose life, and to help another family grow.  I feel that sometimes birth parents are judged unfairly, but if you look at the fact that they are willing to give better to the child they grew, all that should fade in my opinion.  I’m not saying I don’t worry about medical history or behavior things, but when I do,  I have to trust God knew what he was doing when he had this situation placed before us.  

We are extremely grateful that this birth mother chose life, that God chose us to parent our daughter, and that life is happening as it is.  No words can ever explain the gratitude that Milton and I have for the person who is part of PV.  

Birth parents make a difficult choice in their lives, but being able to do that just shows how much love they hold for the creation before them.

You will have the opportunity to read an actual birth mother’s story and the open adoption she has with her daughter.  We are honored that this young lady chose to allow us to share her story.  Be sure to check back to on Monday for that post.

Thanks for stopping by,
Julie

10 thoughts on “Adoption Series 2014 – I Didn’t Feel Her Kick – Closed Adoption – From our Family

  1. Thank you for sharing! I, too, have so much respect for women who make the difficult choice of adoption. It's always so interesting when those questions come up, isn't it? If only they would give us a little warning so we could frame our answers! 🙂

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  2. Love all of this! I once sat in a hospital room and watched as a birth mother handed her newborn to an adoptive mother. It was the bravest thing I've ever seen. Great series!

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  3. Wonderful post! You are right in that the women placing their children up for adoption are doing the right thing. I can only imagine what grief they go through, but they choose life and that's what's most important. I'm so glad you were blessed by your daughter's gift of life!

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