That Wasn’t So Bad After All

I would presume that cardiologists see a heart cath as just another test, like an xray or drawing of blood is to most of us today.  Unfortunately, to those that have watched their parent’s die from damaged hearts in the past six and eighteen months it’s not so simple.  Especially when a sibling is having the procedure done.

The sibling and parents I write of are mine of course. My sister E. the one that really disliked me being born and taunted me all my childhood, but has come to be one of my best friends.  She’s the one. The one I connect with on a daily basis, whether through text or email or an actual phone call.  The sibling that relates to me and thinks most like me out of all my siblings.  She had a heart cath on Monday and it was an experience for all of us.

Although walking into the same hospital that I had not been in since August 17, 2014 was hard, I wouldn’t want to be anywhere else.  The reasons are evident because I love my sister, and being elsewhere would have been harder on me I think.  I didn’t really feel much anxiety until I walked up to the doors of the lobby where we sat for a long time waiting to hear Dad had arrived on that dreaded day he died.  My father passed away in an ambulance on the way to above mentioned hospital. The anxiety was present in my stomach, although perhaps not showing from my words or face. I was there for my sister and her husband, they needed support.

As we got off the elevator on the 4th floor, my mind recalled the many days I spent in CICU with Dad. The good talks, horrific cough, sadness, and fear in his eyes, and the last hugs. Tears did not come and that is good. Just a memory making it’s way to the forefront of my mind.

My sister knows I love her and I know she loves me.  I would do anything for her. With much gladness I’m happy to share that the heart is fine and it’s apparently that of a 30 year old. It must be all that love she gives out that keeps it young, she’ll be 50 this year! 🙂

The test in all reality was a good thing. Since our parents both had major heart issues that eventually they died from, our chances are higher of having heart disease. It’s on our radar,  it is present in our minds and our daily lives.

I, myself haven’t pulled the plug to start a healthier lifestyle just yet but I will. Right now my focus is on my mental health. Baby steps on this journey, baby steps.

So, to all of you out there, love honestly, hold them close but let them go when it’s time, and keep trying even if it’s hard. Going back to those hard places is ok, let’s just not stay in them.

God bless you all!

Grace is a gift,

Julie

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