2020 · family · Grief · Julie's Journey · Quilting

Waves of Emotions

I’ve spent the Labor Day weekend organizing my quilt room, the fabric, plans and patterns for projects ahead. Recently I had gotten a quick idea and just jumped into it and my room was pretty much a mess. My personality is the type that likes order, planning and lists. So I knew this was the perfect stopping point to get things back in order!

As I found myself listening to my favorite pianist I was pulling some old things out of a container. I knew, or so I thought what was inside it but as I ran across something my mother made years ago the waves of emotions couldn’t stop. For those of you that don’t know my mother passed away five years ago last month. I had seen this project of hers a few times, knew I had it, just forgot it was in this particular container.

As I pulled it out I thought to myself, “oh she was so good at embroidery.” I can embroider but she was very very good at it, very small stitches and just beautifully done. As I laid it out on my table the waves of emotions that came to fruition were like what I felt the night she died in her hospital room. I have cried many times and felt much grief over her passing and missed her but this was powerful. I found myself laying my hands on the project, like a force I didn’t want to remove them. I just longed to be near her and this was a way to put my hands where hers once had laid. I can not fully explain it but I’m sure others have felt it too. Tears fell and I just wanted to stay there even though I felt the pang of missing her. As I type this tears are filling my eyes because that moment was goodness and sadness all rolled up into one.

The moment fleeted as I quickly cleaned up my face for my husband was entering the house from being out at the farm. Although he wouldn’t have minded seeing me cry, it was a moment for just me. A time I wasn’t ready to talk about. One that perhaps others will not understand and others will say ” oh your Mom was there.” I’m a Christian but believe that those that go before us can not see us on earth. For a few reasons but one being if they saw us they’d just be unhappy because life here on earth is far from what Heaven is like I imagine. My own opinion my own beliefs. Each to their own.

Although I do not process all my emotions and happenings in words on this blog I felt this was key. That it was worth typing out while still fresh. The reason being that if someone out there is feeling the grief of a loved one – I feel for you, I see you, I hear you. Silently I would hold your hand and try to be a friend. I might not a say a word but know I am thinking of you, feeling an inkling of your grief and trying to help. Take the moments and treasure them up people cause like they say tomorrow is not promise, heck not even later today. Value what is important.

Thanks for stopping by,

Julie

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